I sat on the cold wood table, and noticed a pot of hot oil on the stove. I learned it was Ayurvedic herbal oil which supposedly strengthens the internal organs, nervous system, muscles and bones, and regulates the digestive system. It also supposed to delay the aging process. Well, I think I aged a few years in half an hour. The masseuse began by applying another special oil on my head, and giving me a really enjoyable scalp massage. Then the pot came off the hot stove, and was brought bedside. He dipped his paws in, and put handfuls of warm oil on me beginning with my arms. All I heard was Indian music in the back room, and his long, rapid strokes. After 10 minutes he lay me down on the hard table, and put more oil on almost every nook and cranny of my body. Warm oil feels good, and I started to relax. My eyes grew heavier. I felt myself letting go and then the nightmare began. My mind was starting to wander (for a second there I thought Scarlett Johansson was the masseuse). The long strokes felt almost too good, if you know what I mean. After what seemed like an eternity, it was time to flip over to have my back done. The next scene would be a perfect clip for America’s (or Malaysia’s) Funniest Videos. I was so excited to turn over on my stomach that I moved waaaay too fast. I flew off the slippery table like a fish from a fisherman’s hands. It hurt like you wouldn’t believe. I got up with my Tarzan covering halfway up my waist, and said I’d had enough. But of course I was not done. You can’t walk around the tropics covered in oil. By the time I reached my room I would have been covered with mosquitoes. To get the oil off, of he rubbed some cold greenish gob stuff that smelled and looked like crushed peas all over my body. At last, I took a shower.